The past few months I’ve been reading Catholic Mom Calm by Sterling Jaquith. In this lovely book, the author suggests many ways to come back to calm in stressful situations, such as breathing, taking a walk, praying, and listening to calming music.

A few weeks ago, I was blessed to learn an additional way to come back to calm: asking for a hug from Mama Mary. In this month of May, a month to celebrate Saint Mary and all moms, I am sharing with you a little reflection on how I came to learn this beautiful way to come back to calm.

I often think that anything good I do in my mothering is by the grace of God and by the beautiful example of Saint Mary and of my own sweet mom. As a child, my mom was always there for me, holding my hand when I did not feel good, listening for hours as I told her about all my concerns, giving me a look of love and compassion.

Last week when my parents happened to be visiting, my little six-year-old had a very rough night. She tends to have difficulty sleeping, and she often wakes up with what could be called night tantrums. She is really asleep, but she is having a temper tantrum, and perhaps a bad dream, at the same time.

As this was going on for quite some time, my dear mom got out of bed and came upstairs to see if she could help. I said she could pray, but that was probably all. We seem to just have to wait this out, and my daughter eventually fully wakes up and calms down.

Of course, my mom was happy to pray, but she also gave me a loving hug and said, “This is hard for you.” I responded, “No, this is hard for her.” That is what I always think, because my daughter is the one going through this terrible night tantrum, and that must be hard. My mom continued to hug me and said again, “This is hard for you.”

And I started to cry. Yes, I guess it is hard for me. Outwardly, I stay pretty calm through these storms, but my mind is actually full of worries. It’s hard to get up multiple times a night and wonder how to face the next day so tired. It’s hard to have your child cry out “Mama! Mama!” but she tells you to get away because she is not really awake and does not realize you are there. It’s hard to try to console your child, but nothing seems to work. It’s hard to worry the rest of your family will be mad that they are woken up by the tantrum too, because you feel like it is your responsibility to calm things down. It’s hard to wait to see the answers to prayer.

Later that night, my daughter calmed down (as she always eventually does). Then, before going back to bed, we cuddled together on the couch. We began to look at a beautiful book my parents had given us. In the book, there is an image of Mary greeting Elizabeth. Mary’s hands are gently on Elizabeth’s shoulders and Mary is giving her a look of love and calm.

Seeing this image of Mary made me think, “Mary is always there for us to give us a hug.” I was blessed that night to have a hug from my own mom in the middle of the night. We moms need hugs from our mom, and acknowledgements that we might not like to admit, “This is hard for you.” Normally, though, our own mom is probably not there in the middle of the night to give us a hug and sweet, reassuring words.

But Mama Mary, the very best mom, is truly always there for us. We can ask her for a hug in hard times, and she will surely give us one, any time of day or night, along with a look of love.

Mama Mary, pray for us!

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